Answer
It is very natural for second-generation Japanese people to want to live and work in Japan. In the US, no matter fluent your English is, you are probably asked many times where you came from and what your nationality is. You won’t be asked that kind of question in Japan because you look like them, and you want to take advantage of being fully bilingual. Working for a Japanese company is considered by many Japanese people as becoming a full-fledged Japanese, since doing so requires you to understand and adjust to Japanese corporate culture. Your parents could have had that kind of mentality as well and that was probably why she wanted you to be bilingual.

Your are puzzled by your mother’s words. Not just your mother, but other foreign-born parents who gave intensive bilingual education to their children also object to them going to their home country to work. When parents were young, they must have thought that was purely for future advantage for their kids. But as they got older, priorities would change. Your mother could be afraid that you might not come back to her. For many first-generation parents, children become more than that: friend, confidant, companion, and even the reason for their existence, that is because of their loneliness in the US, lack of support system, being away from their original families, and so on. Therefore, it is very difficult for them to let the kids go.

Many second-generation children are very considerate and altruistic, because they know about their parents’ hardships in the US. They want their parents to be proud of them and to make them happy by becoming a high-achiever like you. You are still young, you should focus on your life at this point. Go to Japan and experience the life there. Like you say, you can learn lots of things quickly because you are willing and excited. Strong motivation, wills, and drive don’t come often. You develop your life first in order to help your mother. But tell her that going to Japan is not abandoning her, rather growing as a person so that you can do better things for her in the future. Your mother’s job is to deal with "the empty nest syndrome" and reinvest her life after child-rearing. If both of you could get through this transition well, you could have a healthy adult relationship with each other.

Answer
In Japan, people give you credit when you fulfill your given role and tasks. If you did not come to the US, you probably would not have to be distressed with issues like this. Your given-up dream seems to be resurfaced after you talked to your supervisor, who enjoys his work life.

You have several options, including staying in the same job in Japan, negotiating a position change, changing your job to get a design job, or studying design in the US. It’s good to make a list of pros and cons of each option before you make up your mind. The followings are the examples:

To stay at the same job – Pros: You do not have to take any action. You can maintain your pay and benefits. Cons: You have to do the same old job that you don’t like.
To negotiate a position change – Pros: You can do what you like without quitting the company. Cons: In the worst case scenario, the company executives might take it as selfish move on your part and might affect your future position in the company.
To change your job – Pros: You can do what you like. Cons: You have to go through job search process and you may get less pay and benefits than now. Your family might object.
To study abroad – Pros: You can become a design specialist. Cons: It will take a lot of money and time. Your family might object.

By creating a list like that, you can see clearly what is important to you, or what you are afraid of. You don’t have to stick with just one option. You can choose multiple options, such as you work on option A first, and then option B. Your next step is to think about how to deal with the disadvantages of each option. Every option has its own risks. However, once you know how to deal with the risks, you can take an action without getting overanxious.

Your last step is to plan concrete tactics. You need to make a plan by counting backwards from the end goal. What do you need to do by the end of the year? Who do you consult with? What information do you need? You are making a big decision in your life. Be sure not to make up your mind based on fear or anxiety, such as what if I cannot do well with design, or what if my pay and benefits get worse. The most important thing is to do what you want to do, since that was the very reason your boss’s words moved you.

Answer
There are a lot of Japanese nationals who work at a Japanese company in the US and they have similar problems like yours. They choose Japanese company so they can use their Japanese language, stay in touch with Japan, and get visa support. In some cases, they choose because they are not confident enough with their English skills to work at an American company. A Japanese company wants them because of their bilingual and bi-cultural background. So, both employees and employers share some interests in gray area, which is not directly related to their products/work. These gray areas can lead to employer’s misuse of power and/or harassment towards their employees.

If you want to stay and live in the US, it is critical to have your life’s priorities in order periodically and to make a plan to deal with the risks and disadvantages.

At your first job in the US, your priority should be to get a work visa. The disadvantages would be that your work choice is very much limited, you cannot quit your job easily because of your visa, or you cannot confront your supervisors. Many Japanese people think that they have to stay at one job for a long time, because a stable work history is considered a good thing in Japan. On top of that, Japanese people in the US stay in a job longer because the company provides visa support. In other words, they feel they are indebted to the company because of the visa. That kind of mentality works for both parties: employer and employee, but unfortunately could create a situation like you find yourself in. You have to know the difference between what you want to give back to the company and what your company can take from you. It’s one thing to not to take your boss’s selfishness personally and quite another to tolerate abuse. Another thing you want to do is to learn about your rights and duty regarding the misuse of power and harassment from the internet or your lawyer. Be sure to deal with your supervisor in American ways that might include speaking up and filing a formal complaint.

For many years in Japanese corporate world, it is the company that made sure its employees stay in the company by internal transfers and seniority system so that employees don’t get bored or feel unappreciated. In the US, it is the individual’s job to keep finding better opportunity and career development. Given the visa situation, mistreatment from your boss, and being in the US, you have to think and plan your future objectively and aggressively. Your career future lies before you. Don’t lose hope and self-confidence because of your current discouraging situation. Only when you get a permanent resident status, you can be free in terms of career moves. Until then, you have to wisely maneuver yourself in a maze of visa, power struggles, and career goals.

Answer
Many expatriate employees from Japan have not had enough time to learn American way of working and communicating before they left Japan. In most cases, they worked in a Japanese office one day and they were sent to the US office the next day. Each company has its own work culture. His work environment in Japan may have been a very competitive one. If so, he just brought that kind of work ethic to the US office and has repeating the same pattern. From the US staff, his behavior seems odd and he could be seen as just a limited English messenger from the headquarter office.

Let me explain a little bit of background of Japanese expatriates. About thirty years ago, coming to work in the US office was a coveted position. The chosen expatriate had to be elite, hard-working, and ambitious. However, as economy declined, leaving Japan became unwanted and sometimes risky for many workers. In the US, if you don’t want to relocate, you can say so or you can even quit the job. In Japan, if you work at first-rate big corporations, it is dicey to quit because it could be most likely that your next job would be at less prestigious company with less money. If you say no to relocation, you can stay in the company but your future will be grim since you are labeled as "not a team player." Therefore, some expatriates had no choice but to come to the US. Taking up a job that you are not interested in or unwilling to do would impose tremendous stresses on you. Working in a second language, dealing with co-workers with different culture, being expected to produce certain results, having constant worry about the future could be some of the stresses he can be facing.

Here are some of the things you can do for him. You can invite him to café or dinner for just the two of you. At this point, he is too overwhelmed with work and life to participate in group socialization. But he is lonely. If it were one on one, it would be easier for him to talk in English and it would be a great opportunity to get to know each other. Some Japanese people turn down this kind of offer out of the fear that they cannot return the kindness they receive. It is Japanese culture to reciprocate kindness; someone did nice thing to you, then it is your turn to do something nice to that person. Americans might consider that "give and take", but there are some big differences between American and Japanese cultures. Americans see others in need and think "if I am in a position to help, I would be glad to help" without expecting anything back from the person. They say, "It is my pleasure to help you. You can help others when you can." That’s their version of give and take. Japanese version of give and take is between the two individuals, not with others. If you can’t return kindness to the person, you owe to the person. That’s why, he might say no to your offer. You can explain the cultural differences to him and that might ease his guilt.

Another thing you can do with him is to do something together such as playing some sports or going to a concert. He is in cultural shock and barely making it by meeting his quota. He needs to know American culture in terms of work, way of thinking, and life style. As you probably already know, going to a bar after work with co-workers is a way of socializing and releasing stress for many Japanese workers. Asking him out for happy hour can be a good way to break the ice.